This Girl

This Girl

Kind to all

Believer in dreams

Happiness maker

Truth seeker

Actor

One who encourages others....who encourages me

Lover of her brothers

Singer 

Smiler

Makes me-smile, laugh and cry

One who Perseveres through trials 

Entertainer    

Funny girl 

Impromptu off the wall one women show

One I love to talk too

Beauty

Daddy's girl.........his pride, joy, love and life: his daughter

Dreamer

Sand castle builder

One who sees the good in others 

Trusting

Love giver

Grace seeker 

God lover

One who has learned to forgive....even though that is hard for her

Dancer

Strong disliker of math

Cat lover -Sammie lover

Sun and Son worshiper 

One who believes that hard work pays off and who works hard

Lover of beauty

Friend you want to have

Strong

Creative

One who inspires because she is not afraid to take chances

Exciting

Brave

Lover of good food

Crazy at times

One who is teachable and loves to learn and play

Breath taking

Tweetie bird 

Jessie Bear

One who is my daughter the girl I pray for and love the one who has taught me so much -This Girl: wait till they get a load of this!:THIS GIRL

Purchase Conservatory of the Theater Arts BFA Acting class of 2017

Today is August 1st it has been a long seven months since Jessie's January, early February auditions for some of the best Colleges and Universities in the country. It has been a wild ride to say the least. May 1st has long come and gone; and at that time Jessie was still on the wait list for several schools including SUNY Purchase her #1 pick for a Conservatory Acting Program.  She has been dreaming of having a spot in there program for years now.  But no spot came or was offered, only an e-mail asking if she would like to continue to be on the highly ranked waiting list, she promptly said she would. They told her very occasionally they have something open in the summer and they would let her know by August 15th! Still the smallest shred of hope. So she does what she has to do and accepts the offer from Adelphi University.  A beautiful school that really wanted Jessie.  We love the Head of the Theater department Nick Petron.  The school also takes only 20 actors a year like Purchase, and those 20 work as an ensemble for the next 4 years.  It was a good fit for Jessie and we felt that if she could learn and really thrive at this beautiful school in one the prettiest parts of Long Island.  But her heart was still on the #1 Acting Conservatory in the country.
 As a mom I really wanted to write this last addition of my blog about Jessie's journey so many times ....but something always stopped me.  I just felt so strongly that God was doing something big. Teaching my precious daughter to trust him more.  Whether she was at Adelphi or Purchase she needed to trust and be happy knowing God had a plan for her there. So I can't write.  Jessie I think for her own sanity tries to concentrate and make herself be happy with going to Adelphi and for the most part she is. She manages pretty well with the exception of a few out burst of screaming and crying out to God and occasionally at me saying things like: "why? why don't they love me, why? why? why?"  Yes she would use those words, deeply personal and painful, gut wrenching to watch.   I am thankful these episodes were few. June brought another e-mail from Purchase saying they were making cuts to the highly ranked waiting list candidates but were interested in keeping Jessie on it if she was willing.  She emailed back and said she would stay on the list. She decided to call Purchase on around July 10th and they told her that the company was full but they were keeping the wait list open. So still not a no, but not a yes either. It is difficult this trusting business but I did see a letting go after that conversation and by the middle of July she was ready to go to her orientation at Adelphi where she made many friends and was ready to give it her all.  Because she was trusting, not perfectly but with tiny steps. Jessie's all time favorite verse is Jeremiah 29:11. I started this blog with it many months ago: "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Funny how that works...just when you let go of something you desperately want and decide to really start to believe what God says it becomes easier. Either way at Adelphi or Purchase Jessie was ready to work hard and believe God. July 31st comes I'm watering my flowers on the back porch it was a beautiful sunny day I was watering and talking on the phone with my mom.  I guess I have dreamed of this moment for months now. I certainly know Jessie has.... what it would be like if and when it ever happened.  Suddenly my daughters face is in the window that overlooks the deck and she is rapping  loudly and furiously on it trying to get my attention.  I look up from my watering and know ............she's laughing, crying and pointing at the phone she had clutched to her ear and she mouths to me "it's Purchase they want me"!!!!!!  

Highly ranked waiting lists, callbacks and other craziness!

This is difficult, trying to write about all that has happened since my last post. What a whirlwind of waiting, praying, wishing and learning to trust. Emotions at times have been all over the place like an out of control roller-coaster. Other times I look at my daughter in amazement because of her quiet strength and-patience. It has been a long process, one I thought we would know the outcome of by now. Funny thing is I knew wait lists were part of this process and a very real possibility but I never knew it would be like this.
March 14 Jessie gets an e-mail from her # 1 school Purchase. She has been placed on the highly ranked waiting list.AMAZING,HAPPINESS, SHEER JOY!!! Of all the hundreds of actors that apply to Purchase to be on this list is beyond words. For Purchase the "highly ranked waiting list" means they have offered one blond a spot at Purchases BFA Acting program and if that "blond" does not accept that offer(ex.accepts an offer from a different school) then they will offer Jessie a spot in the BFA Acting program. The 1st "blond" has until May 1st to make up her mind. The e-mail also said that they like to let all wait lists know by May 1st, but occasionally spots become open up until August 1st. I also want to try again to explain what I mean when I say "1 blond". Purchase is a Conservatory Acting program (like many other of the schools Jessie auditioned at) which puts a Freshmen class together that will work and do all there shows drawing from only actors in there class for the next 4 years. It makes sense to try to put together a group of diverse looking students to fill all the roles that they would need in any given production. So typically there is only one petite blond when you are looking at 10 girls in the Freshman class. This is also true for Rutgers where she is on the wait list-they take only 8 girls.
Fast forward to March 23rd it's a Saturday and Jessie Drew and I have been out somewhere doing who knows what really I don't remember. We pull up to the mail box on our way in, I open it slowly knowing that this is the day Brooklyn College said they would let students know by. I definitely have a pit in my stomach, the first thing that catches my eye is a thick letter from Brooklyn College. I start yelling "it's here it's here".   Jessie immediately starts screaming because of the density of the letter(she has had a few waif thin rejection letters by this point come through that mail box). She rips open the envelope and reads aloud the only sentence she could get out before she starts to scream "we are pleased to inform you.......at this point she is laughing crying and screaming and some how she is in the car literally in a head stand. I kid you not. 1 of 6 girls 1 of 6 girls =blessed.
A couple days later Jessie receives an email from Rutgers requesting that she come to visit the school, sit in on some classes and perform for faculty who hadn't seen her audition in NY. Essentially this is a callback. Rutgers has an amazing program and we plan to stop on our drive home from Florida. It is now Easter week, a week in Florida to relax and we thought we would be celebrating a decision made. But, as much as Jessie likes Brooklyn and others she is still on the wait list for a few top schools.
 The thought of a chance at Rutgers and going to London for a full school year training and performing on the world famous Globe theater is an opportunity you do not take lightly. We leave Florida early on Saturday morning and arrive at Rutgers at 3 pm Sunday afternoon.  It is a beautiful day in New Brunswick NJ we check in our hotel and go out to explore the campus. The campus is spread out and has some pretty buildings but overall not great in terms of how it is located, not on a separate campus but woven into this city.  I wouldn't mind this but I am trying to be honest here -it was a little scary. It seemed like a very low economically developed area and by the second day I also started to notice that police were scarce.  I was also surprised to find that unlike most other city schools that we visited there was no visible security at the actual school buildings.  I tried to keep my reservations to myself.
The next morning Jessie was to meet up with a current BFA student and go to all her classes with her. When I picked Jessie up at 6:00 pm she was glowing, she absolutely loved the Professors and classes were amazing. She talked excitedly about how she got to participate and interact with the current students.  She went to a speech class, an acting class and a movement class. " I could be extremely happy doing those classes 3x a week" Jessie said as she told me all about them.  She also met with the 2 heads of the department Barbara and Kevin, they had her do her one contemporary monologue and had a short interview.  She was thankful and at the same time slightly disappointed that it wasn't for the entire staff. Always a performer! The second year students had a dress rehearsal on Monday night so Barbara asked Jessie to go.  We decided to stay another night and take in the show. It was a wonderful, full of drama and humor.  We left Rutgers the next morning Jessie full of hope and possibility me full of trepidation.
It is now April 9th and coming back to Syracuse and school is difficult for Jess especially with no clear idea of where she will be next year........it also doesn't help that spring has not begun to show the promise of new life yet, it is cold, windy and gray out. The first thing I do is check the mail. Jessie had a letter from PACE a school she thought she did not have a chance at.  She was also put on the wait list there. Another great school but one Jessie felt was not for her.
Jessie has gotten a few e-mails from Purchase since that first e-mail and she has emailed them several times -just to make sure they know she's still interested and  now she is doing the same for Rutgers. She sent her "Thank you for having me, it was a terrific day, I love your program......blah blah blah".  Soon after she sent it she gets an e-mail back from the admissions office saying "I'm sorry to inform you that we cannot offer you a spot in our BFA Acting program for the fall of 2013, We will keep you in mind for 2014. Shoot, Jessie was mad, she just felt like she had wasted her time and really liked that program. Truth be told I was relieved.
Next day comes, now mind you it's a Saturday and Jessie gets a message from Rutgers marked URGENT!  CRITICAL ERROR.  Basically saying that yesterday's e-mail was a mistake that they are still very interested in Jessie and would like her to continue to be on the wait list. Holy roller coaster! So here we are it is now Friday April 19th and we are still waiting.  For me I'm praying to be able to accept where ever she ends up and know that living with an open hand means being out of my comfort zone. It's funny how God uses things in our lives to work through issues we haven't quite been able to deal with before. Safety issues, trust issues. Psalm 118:6 "The Lord is with me, I will not be afraid; what can anyone do to me?"  For Jessie it is hard to make plans, even thinking about a graduation party or summer plans doesn't feel right until she knows. Its like she is on hold going through her days checking her e-mail or her phone for a call.  May 1st is just around the corner. Praying and clinging to the fact that God knows where she will be next year and He will be right there with her.

Jeremiah 29:11  "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Brooklyn College

 I wanted to give everyone an update on Jessie’s College audition process; it has been 5 weeks since our whirlwind trip to NYC and Chicago. She has had 1 final audition since then and has also heard from a few schools.  It is interesting going through this process you find out some schools need to accept you into the school which is based solely on your academic performance and then into the program based on your audition, resume and possible interview. She has been accepted academically from: PACE, Mary Mount Manhattan, Drew University, Point Park, and Adelphi . She has been accepted into the acting BFA acting programs at Adelphi and Point Park with very nice “talent awards” based on her auditions. She is also on the waiting list for the BFA program at Rutgers, Mason Gross School of the Arts.     

Last weekend Jessie had her final audition at Brooklyn college in NY.  It is also a small very well known BFA Conservatory style Acting program-they will take 6 girls into their Freshman class. I was in Florida so Jess had to fly to NY and manage the train system by herself.  She flew into JFK on Friday morning and took the train to Adelphi where she was to do a tour with some current students and sit in on a class or a rehearsal. This was great to do because she is already accepted there into both the school and into the acting program. She spent a great afternoon there and then took the train to NJ to spend the night with her best friend Aly.  The next day Jessie rides into Manhattan with Aly’s dad and hops on the train to Brooklyn.  When she arrives she sees a beautiful campus  with old and new brick buildings and even though it is very late winter you can tell that some very pretty gardens grace this gorgeous campus. Here is how her audition went in her own words:
"Like most auditions, I went into the room, (which was huge) and saw about 7 faculty members and 3 MFA students. They watched my monologues and laughed at the funny parts, which is always nice! After I was finished performing, we sat down and had a chat. The questions were along the lines of; why Brooklyn specifically, why acting, what are your dreams, do you have family or friends in the area? Then they asked me if I would stay for their callback, which was originally supposed to be at 1:30 (I had to be at the airport by 4) but they changed it to 4:30. So I said I had to be on a plane they all made sad faces :( and then the head of the program said "we understand, but if you hear back from another school before our acceptance letters come out, and you choose to study somewhere else, please let us know. We don't want any broken hearts." I tried my best not to read into that... But as I left the room feeling really good about my audition I began to doubt my chances of getting in without being at the callback. So I decided I would stay another night and go home Sunday night instead. Being at the callback showed them I'm dedicated and want this! This program only accepts 6 girls, I would have regretted not being there. It was an hour full of fun games that made you let loose and play! That's all it is, having the ability and courage to PLAY! :) I left Brooklyn College thinking this could definitely be a top pick for me.  Praying I am for them."
So more waiting . Although we did get a final answer from one school she got into academically it was a no into the acting program from Marymount Manhattan-Ugh it wasn't a school she was excited about, but who likes rejection? No one.  All of the rest of her letters should be coming in the next 2 weeks.  Her beloved Purchase has said around the 15th of March-that's Friday; and Brooklyn College is March 23rd. Jessie is keeping busy and with auditions behind her she is even being social! She's excited for a scary movie night she's having here tomorrow night-no school on Friday! Anything to keep busy and distracted.  At the same time she is clinging to her beliefs. Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. 

PACE: Losing pride,gaining hope-college auditions

Last day! We get to Chicago at about 7:30 last night, some how a flight that should have only taken at most an hour and a half took almost 3 hours. It involved a lot of circling above O'hara . It definitely made for a longer night by the time we got our luggage, rented a car and got to the hotel it was 9:30 pm. Our hotel was beautiful and because I said something when we finally found the hotel lobby (it wasn't on the same floor we entered on and the bell hop didn't tell us where to go) the nice women at the registration desk put us on the executive floor-score. Free breakfast and snacks! Double score! We ordered room service-club sandwiches and fell asleep exhausted. We wake up,have breakfast and head towards the hotel where Pace would hold there auditions. We meet a really nice girl and her mom. It was so fun talking to them and I said a quick prayer for her finding out Pace was her number one school. Pace asked us to schedule 4 hours for the audition so we felt they were really going to try and get to know each prospective student. We knew they only wanted to see one contemporary monologue and then one scene with a partner. I say my goodbyes and leave Jessie to do her thing. At about 10 o clock she texts me "all done". She comes back to the hotel and talks about a semi disappointing ending to an other wise great week. "First I go in and do my one monologue they really seemed to like it they laughed and asked if I could stay for the scene work with a partner. I said yes but they asked nothing else, nothing about me, not if I had any questions, nothing. This seemed strange and impersonal to me and I thought well maybe with my partner they will. (Pace makes you send in an audition tape with 2 contemporary monologues,your résumé and head shot before they even grant you an in person audition) The fact that they asked for 4 hours made us think it would be more about getting to know you. Jessie does a scene with a partner, she gets no feed back then either. Then they tell the group who they wanted to see for a callback Jessie wasn't on the list. As she left they did say they were still considering her for there new program which will start this fall -film acting. Ugh well OK just disappointing, going in Jessie was not feeling this school but still to go from being called a young Meryl Streep to not getting a call back just stinks. "I started this week with a disappointment not getting the role I thought I wanted and I ended with a disappointment not getting a call back at Pace. But I think I'm learning to see more accurately what it is -it is pride that makes me feel this way. Honestly now as painful as it was when I heard I didn't get that part I'm really glad I didn't. It would have been so stressful for me to be away all week if I had. I really do love the role I got and now I can be in cell block tango. God always knows what is best for me. the pain I feel is more about hurt pride than anything else. I didn't even want to go to Pace and I trust that God knows what's best for me. This week has been amazing I have met so many talented and wonderful people, I have grown as an actress and a person. Now the real waiting begins". I can not even begin to tell you how privileged I feel to be this girls mom, we have laughed,cried and prayed and I am more than excited to see where God puts her. Here' s to living with an open hand! "And so, Lord, where do I put my hope? My only hope is in You." Psalm 39:7

Adelphi University:Trusting-College Auditions

So today is Jessie's 11th audition.  We need to take the train from Penn Station to Long Island. Penn station is huge, we buy our tickets and start to wait in front of these big boards till the track number comes up telling which track you'll be departing on. We are going to Jamaica Station and changing trains to Nassau Boulevard Station. It seemed so confusing and a little scary but actually it was so easy. At one point when were on the train Jessie starts moaning "oh why did I share that Purchase is my top school? now everyone knows, what if I don't get in because you know the reality of it is that yes I had a good audition but they still have 3 days of auditions in Chicago, 3 days of auditions in LA and 1 day in Atlanta! I know there's going to be a ton of blondes in LA and Atlanta,Ugh! This is so hard.  I don't even know why I'm going to Long Island right now".  I can tell Jess is feeling the pressure and is very tired not to mention fighting a cold. The only thing I can think to say is "I know this has been a hard process and putting everything out there is well difficult at the very least but we wanted do this so that other actors might gain some insight as to what it's like. This is where the rubber meets the road, if we truly believe God has a plan you will be where He wants you to be end of story."   We get off the train at our destination which ends up in the cutest little residential area of Long Island.  The school said it was a short walk from the train station and that is what we planned to do but there was a bus there and the driver was waving at us."where do you want to go" he says. I answer Adelphi Performing Arts center. "Well come on I'll take you there". It was a beautiful sunny day but very cold.  The campus is pretty and the performing arts center is impressive.  We go up to the office and we are greeted by the nicest women with a heavy NYC accent. Her name is Barbara. She sits us down and starts telling us about there program. She is no nonsense and we definitely get the feeling that this women is a straight shooter. We both really like her.  Adelphi is a BFA conservatory program, with a freshman class of 20. They will look to put an ensemble of actors together much like Purchase does. She introduces us to Nicholas Petron a professor an the chair of the theater program. We also like him immediately, he was probably in his late 60's with a wonderful gleam in his eye. He spoke passionately about the work he has done on stage and in television  and about the program at Adelphi. I wish I could remember everything he told us. We were both very impressed  by how he talked about his students and the guidance he gives them about the business aspect of acting.  He will let students audition but not sign any contract with any one with out his approval this goes for managers and agents. He really watches over his students and wants what is best for each one of them. OK so time for the audition I go out and talk to Barbara. Jessie does her pieces and at the end Mr. Petron gets up with tears in his eyes and says"really good Jessie" and kisses her on both cheeks and continues with "you remind me of a young Meryl Streep and I worked with her for a year way back in the day, and it's not just your look, it's the choices you made and the way you connected with the piece really good Jessie" At this point Jessie is in tears also, this the absolute biggest complement he could pay her.. He asks her "have you applied to the college yet?" She says yes, he says "OK I will let them know tomorrow, I really hope you decide to study here with me". Wow! God is truly good, a College that really wasn't even on our radar has now become a place Jessie could truly see herself at. No time to dwell on this, we need to get to the train to get back to the city and our ride to JFK to go to Chicago to do her last audition-Pace. We couldn't fit it in while we were in NYC. A gnawing feeling comes back for Jess " I really don't want to go, when I visited in November It just didn't seem like the right place for me" I know but let's go anyway-another adventure-another chance to perform. "Have patience God isn't finished yet" Philippians 1:6

Fordham: Still believing-college auditions

 After having such a great audition yesterday it seems impossible to think that Jess has 4 more auditions before we fly home on Tuesday night. Today is Fordham University in the morning and Point Park in the afternoon.  Jessie is tired, running on pure adrenaline. Sleep has not been easy this last week; Jessie says that it's OK because when she's tired emotion comes even easier. Her first audition is Fordham at 10:30 we check in around 10 am.  Everyone is super nice and we go into a large waiting room. There we to talk to a current student and find out about the school.  Fordham is a BA program in "Acting" or "Performance" and the student tells us"oh yes you have to get into the University before you are accepted to the program". Ugh, Jessie knows her SAT scores are not up to there criteria; that's alright, another chance to learn and audition. Besides the fact Jessie wants a true BFA program. Jessie's name is called and she goes to do her audition. In the room there is a man and women who will be watching her perform. When I asked Jessie so how did you do? She said "really well I just went for it, it was so much fun!  It was strange though when I finished I notice the women was crying".  I laughed and said "well maybe she was crying because she had your SAT scores and she knew you wouldn't get in and she wanted you". We both laughed and said our good byes!
Her second audition of the day was at Pearl Studios, Point Park, we had tried to get in early but there was no open spots so we show up again at 2 for our 2:35 pm audition. We fill out paperwork and sit and wait. It's not long before Jessie's name is called and she goes into the audition room.  The two women in the room are very nice and Jess does her pieces.  One of the women asks her to be funnier with her Step piece. Jessie just goes into all out crazy funny mode and both women are obviously impressed.  They started talking to her about visiting PP, sitting in on an acting class and  asked if she would  like to talk to current students. One of the women gave Jess her e-mail and telephone number and said to call anytime.  They thanked her and said there goodbyes.  Jessie left feeling confident.
This is where I believe it gets real hard. The process has been long but so fun.The realty of how few get in these programs is daunting. Knowing where she thinks the perfect fit would be but leaving room for God is hard. The trusting part........thinking.thinking,thinking, wondering and wondering, instead of resting and trusting and still believing that God has a perfect plan this is our prayer now-your will be done-just help us live with an open hand. Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the LORD with all your heart; and lean not upon your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct your path.” (~ KJV Ad)